When I think of an animal that I can’t stand, some kind of sensation creates on my body. I don’t understand why I hate it a lot. There is a short memory somewhere in my mind that I began to hate that animal when I met my neighbourhood boy. Actually he was handsome boy, well behaved with all. But I don’t understand why he was so cruel to me. When I think of him, I feel like hurting myself badly to avoid the pain that I went through.

It was in the year 2004, I was in third standard. I was enjoying my childhood like any other child. Like a butterfly in the garden, I used to spread the joy to all. I was a free bird till he met me. He was asking me something which I did not understand. Then he pulled my hand, took me to a room, even then I did not understand what he was doing. I was in panic, few seconds later, my mind came to senses when he began to pull out my clothes. I refused him but he forced me. I tried to escape, but all my efforts were in vain. He was stronger than me.

I felt some heaviness on me, before I could figure it out he was on me. I did not know if he wanted to sleep. If he wanted to sleep he could have slept alone why does he have to pull me into that room and remove my clothes? He began to touch. I did not allow, he beat me on my cheeks. I began to cry – no one came to help, even my mom. She did not know that I was not in the house. He touched me everywhere. I did not get any idea to get out. I was having pain on my body. I wanted to run away but no way. I screamed, no one heard. Before I could figure out the things that were happening to me, everything was over. Now I am a waste vegetable.

I shed my tears but no one was there to console me. I was alone sitting in the dark place. I wanted to die, my parents came to my mind. How could I forget the ones who gave me this beautiful life? Now I am a butterfly which has lost its wings to fly.

While he was leaving the room he said one word which hinders even now. That is “you are a girl with black colour skin, it means that you are supposed to be a prostitute, I am a high caste boy, you are a low caste girl, you are meant to be for this.”

From that day on when I see a lizard which is in fair in complex, I get irritated. I feel like killing it mercilessly and then running away as far as I can. Though now I have come over all these still I find it so difficult to forget all those memories. After a few months, a lizard fell on me and I jumped as if a bomb fell on me. I felt it resembled like some part of the boy’s body. I hate that animal. I don’t want to even think about it. Even when I am writing about it, my goose bumps stand erect to hurt myself. I can’t even stand the name of it.

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The Open Dosa Team

The Open Dosa is dedicated to covering Bengaluru, the Universe and the Internet, not necessarily in that order. It is the WordPress unkal of the lab-journal brought out by students of the Department of English, St. Joseph’s College (Autonomous), Bangalore.

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